Things are changing! Lots of things. I’ve seen this coming for months (which usually isn’t the case) but it’s finally getting started. This is all going to sound pretty dramatic, which usually isn’t how I operate. But you know what? It’s real and genuine. I’m going to post through this journey in case any of you can benefit from it at all. If not, well, then I’m bearing my soul to the internet for no good reason. My favorite.
I am a planner. I love to plan and organize projects, events, strategies… Plans within plans. It’s a passion and a strength that came in handy where I worked before and has been even more useful as a mom and homemaker. Unfortunately, it has been failing me miserably as of late. The planning and organizing corner of my brain is kaput. Any semblance of control I once have is completely gone.
At the same time (what a coincidence!) God has been doing two things in my heart:
1. Clearly pointing out to me several areas of my life that need some good attention. Whole categories where I need to be setting an example for my kids, teaching them how to live for God. You know the kind of stuff I mean… taking care of myself, taking care of relationships, taking care of the stuff God has given us, making my relationship with God first priority, watching my tongue, watching my attitude, and so on.
2. Renewing in me the courage to dream big dreams, and actually GIVING me the desires that He wants me to have! It is wonderful! But how can I go about reaching for these dreams if I can’t even do what’s right in front of me successfully?
So many times, I get that nudge from God to look at a certain area of my life and I snap back “OK God! Here I go, off to fix that problem! See you later, and thanks for the input.” Then I can’t figure out why my efforts do not pan out. Now, God is doing the talking, and the message is loud and clear: I am not succeeding because I am trying to do it on my own. I must surrender it all to Him, and then learn from Him how HE wants to make it happen and follow HIS lead. I must surrender my vision of what success in these areas look like and start listening to what His vision for me is.
To be perfectly honest with you, this has all been pretty difficult for me. Sometimes God works on me in big projects like this. This is the third overhaul. It’s painful, but it’s so good for me. I don’t know how to listen! I am not patient. I like controlling things. But I know that it is better to give it all over to Him and let Him guide me.
So, I’m going into this with my eyes wide open this time and cooperating with the Lord so that He can do some great things in my life! Yesterday I surrendered my personal vision of what it means to be “successful” as a wife, mom, homemaker, friend, disciple,… even gardner. 🙂 I’ll tell you about what’s been going on in my mind and heart as I gear up for a personal retreat and some intense prayer time. That is the next big step. Sure, I need to plan my plans and set my goals and do my part, which I will do. You’ll hear about that too, lucky you ;). But the next big thing is simply sitting at the feet of Jesus instead of bustling about. I wonder what I’ll learn? I hope it’s good, because there’s no electricity or running water.
“The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.” ~ Proverbs 16:9